text | un: robert.plant

[righteously]

So we're all just gonna ignore the whole 'getting pooped out by a dragon' thing?

whoever owns the giant chicken with the bow tie, I'm gonna deep-fry that bitch

3 minutes is not long enough to shower off egg membrane, that's freaking disgusting okay
just flat-out unhygienic, period
gross

the first time I hear somebody jerking off in a hammock I'm gonna set it on fire

this place sucks balls

as you were.

Comments

@a.price

[cryptoherpetology]

His name is Crow. My friend thinks the bowtie is hilarious. [ He's realized that the kids give him more food when he has it on. He hasn't let Alex take it off him since. Since he's smart enough to work the latch with his beak and talons, Alex has let him be for now. ] What did he do? And chicken, really?

[righteously]

What, because crow's so much better?

Feathery bastard stole my protein bar. I swear to god, he looked me square in the eyes while he ate it

[cryptoherpetology]

My sister named him. You can take it up with her if she hatches her way here. [ Technically, she manipulated Alex into renaming him. It does suit him better than Poe would have, he only ever looks sullen when he wants attention. ]

Sorry about that. People have been feeding him those a little too often lately and this kind of thing is why I keep telling them to stop. I'll pay you back with another protein bar, or some stuff you can trade for a few of them. [ Taking care of Crow is sometimes a bit too similar to having a toddler. Especially when he's been enabled by older kids and and at least one stoned engineer to think anything he can reach is for the taking. ]

I took a double shift in the aid station. I usually need something to remind me to take a break anyway. [ He's been organizing pipettes by diameter to avoid dealing with reality. This is totally normal. ]

[righteously]

No
don't
stop
don't do that
don't do the whole
sincere relatable apologetic
thing

Damn it, now it just feels like I punched a bunny

[cryptoherpetology]

I've worked with the public and with animals a lot. Despite the bowtie, Crow isn't a badly trained poodle.

But for future reference, scolding him enough will usually stop him from doing something. Usually. His species may be a miracle of convergent evolution, but enough of it's feline that I can't make any promises.

Trying to punch him is a really bad idea, he's a lot more equipped for defense than a bunny. I'm assuming it didn't land, since you haven't mentioned nearly enough bleeding.
[ Two back claws, two talons and a beak make for a whole lot of pointy ends when he's upset about something. ]

[righteously]

No, dude
you
you're the bunny in this scenario

soft, fuzzy, the general vibe of somebody that eats carrots

[cryptoherpetology]

I've been told I give off a "public access TV host vibe." [ And he's not going to do or say anything to the contrary. If people think he's the second coming of Steve Irwin by way of LeVar Burton and Bill Nye, they're not wondering how many knives he's carrying. ]

If you stop by the aid station and ask for Alex, I'll have the ration bar on hand. Should I keep an eye out for a Zeppelin t-shirt?

[righteously]

I don't appreciate you profiling me okay












but yes

seriously though, don't worry about it. I'm not gonna take your food.
unless it's beef jerky. i'd piggyback a horse for some beef jerky right now.

[cryptoherpetology]

You're literally using the frontman's name as a pseudonym. It wasn't a huge leap that you'd be a fan.

If we could find a steady enough protein source that didn't also see us as one, I'd be making jerky by now.

[righteously]

Okay but when you start on project jerky
Just remember who you owe right now
I'm not kidding
If I'm not first in line for jerky, we got problems

[cryptoherpetology]

I'll remember to give you dibs on the alien meat jerky on account of my pet griffin's growing kleptomaniac tendencies.

[ Yep. Totally normal thing to say. ]

[righteously]

Thank you

( AKA he is so desensitized to weird by now he doesn't even flinch at that frankly bonkers way of putting it )

[cryptoherpetology]

If you can lift heavy things for the engineering team, they'll usually share the liquor. The sanitation team grows what I'm sure is a pretty potent strain of cannabis that they'll share with labor volunteers. Other people seem to find those to be helpful when adjusting to this.

[wittingly]

it IS hilarious

[cryptoherpetology]

You're encouraging this kind of behavior with him.

[wittingly]

We shouldn't argue our co-parenting strategies in front of the children, the baby book said we need to present a unified front

[cryptoherpetology]

You're more like the uncle who gets him McDonalds at three in the afternoon and drops him off too full for dinner.

[wittingly]

I feel like you're saying that in a way that's supposed to make me feel bad, but everybody loves that uncle

[cryptoherpetology]

Kids really benefit from that uncle, but creatures with razor-sharp talons sometimes need structure to be a little more enforced.

If he finds the local equivalent to squirrels, they're going to end up in your shoes as his thank you gifts, you know. You might regret the bribery if it starts in kind.

[wittingly]

You're making me doubt my bow tie commitment all of a sudden
I'm not emotionally prepared for this

[cryptoherpetology]

I did say he shared a lot of traits with both cats and crows. Gift-giving with humans he's bonded with is a trait he shares with both.

[wittingly]

Weighing the pros and cons of griffin costumes vs. dead alien squirrel surprises is something no man should have to do sober

I'd like to schedule a professional consultation, doctor

( aka time to smoke a huge bowl and pull out a whiteboard to literally make a list, for the entertainment factor )

[cryptoherpetology]

Do you really want to hear me talk about geckos for 20 minutes after one bong hit?

[wittingly]

There is literally nothing I want more in my life right now

@oakland

[spacedicks]

seconded
im here for that blazed lizard ted talk