text ↪ un: dostoevsky

[dissemblance]

Can we all take a moment to admire the fact that 2801 technology still supports emoji functionality? 🤩 👍 🕷 💁 🩰 💫 🍆 🧊 💅 👁‍🗨 🎯 🤡 🔋 🐈 💲 🧙‍♀️ 🐦💋 🐜 👽 🕶 ⚡ 🕵🏻‍♀️ 💦 💦 💦

It seems like they're pretty set on calling us 'Hatchlings', so... hello, fellow Hatchlings, I'd like to play a game.

Two truths and a lie. I'll start.

  ① Starbucks makes the best lattes.
  ② I've never watched All Dogs Go To Heaven all the way through.
  ③ My birthdate is May 21st. What year? Every year. 😉😉😉 But my party in 2018 was 🔥🔥🔥.

Comments

[wittingly]

we need to talk about our relationship

[nonscriptum]

Need I remind you I still manufactured a frappuccino thing for you in spite of your terrible taste.

[wittingly]

Okay, yeah, that one earned you a free pass, so you're safe from the couch-hammock

For now

Nathan Drake makes the best frappucinos, let it be known across the land. However, we're talking lattes here, Starbucks is still #1.

[nonscriptum]

I have to forgive you for that transgression, I know you're only saying it because you haven't had a café con leche in a country where they actually grow the crop and know what they're doing.

[wittingly]

My god
I just realized

You're a hipster
A hipster with a smokescreen chest and distraction shoulder holsters

I can't believe I didn't see it before

1/?

[nonscriptum]

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[nonscriptum]

You take that back.

[wittingly]

Oh, you want me to take it back?
Okay, sure, I'll take it back. Should I take it back to Oaxaca which is obviously the ONLY place with valid mezcal since they made before it was cool, or is the VHS store with vintage Buster Keaton tapes far enough?

You did ironic close up magic for me one time

The signs have been here all along

[nonscriptum]

That's not fair, hipster implies I made these choices intentionally to look cool, I grew up in Central and South America because we immigrated illegally when I was a kid and the tapes came from a charity store because the headmaster at the orphanage was nice enough to give them to me for Christmas.

[wittingly]

I can't believe you just Christmas Orphan shamed me

I also can't believe it worked, I have the sudden impulse to hold you and buy you a pony

[nonscriptum]

You called me a hipster. You, the sentient plaid flannel shirt.

[wittingly]

yeah, no wonder you like me

it's like looking into a mirror

you look at my flannel shirt and my MP3 player but you're really seeing YOURSELF looking back

it's okay, take your time, come to terms, I'm here for you during this tumultuous journey of self-acceptance

[nonscriptum]

I'll admit I'm a hipster when you admit Starbucks over-roasts their beans.

[wittingly]

Starbucks saved me from the aliens, you can pry my loyalty from my warm alive hands

warm and alive thanks to Starbucks

[nonscriptum]

Do you want me to write them a thank you note?

[wittingly]

Yes, actually, I'd appreciate that
I'll proofread it, don't hold back

[nonscriptum]

Dear Starbucks, thank you for your terrible, over-done coffee beans. The man I'm dating is obsessed with them and without your bitter brew he wouldn't be alive right now. Love, Nate

[wittingly]

I get the feeling you're not taking this very seriously

[nonscriptum]

I'm not compromising my integrity even though I'm grateful you're in my life, Ian

[wittingly]

no
no it's fine
I understand
you have your principals
it's okay
I'm not crying
don't worry about me
I'll get through this somehow
on my own
unsupported
suffering

[dissemblance]

Please, and understand that I am begging you here, get a hammock.