text | un: robert.plant

[righteously]

So we're all just gonna ignore the whole 'getting pooped out by a dragon' thing?

whoever owns the giant chicken with the bow tie, I'm gonna deep-fry that bitch

3 minutes is not long enough to shower off egg membrane, that's freaking disgusting okay
just flat-out unhygienic, period
gross

the first time I hear somebody jerking off in a hammock I'm gonna set it on fire

this place sucks balls

as you were.

Comments

[righteously]

hey, look who traveled through friggin space and time to prove my point

[lifetothefullest]

I really did prove your point, didn't I.

[Oops. Whatever. He has totally not been stalking this post the entire time.]

But it's good to be in the same weird multiverse with you again.

[righteously]

I gotta hand it to you, man, you are hands-down the most persistent therapist I've ever had

( also, the only one. also, not his therapist. )

[cryptoherpetology]

You're literally using the frontman's name as a pseudonym. It wasn't a huge leap that you'd be a fan.

If we could find a steady enough protein source that didn't also see us as one, I'd be making jerky by now.

[pridecroweth]

My keen ability to detect sarcasm is going haywire. Nobody loves the law, not even the cops.

（ sam is very team #acab, but that's chicago PD for you. ）

Sam.

And that is a very specific list of very specific people. I see one of the guys I was talking about came in and made himself at home already.

（ small world indeed. ）

[cryptoherpetology]

Kids really benefit from that uncle, but creatures with razor-sharp talons sometimes need structure to be a little more enforced.

If he finds the local equivalent to squirrels, they're going to end up in your shoes as his thank you gifts, you know. You might regret the bribery if it starts in kind.

[mylawn]

Use sparingly. Limited resources and these guys weren't necessarily expecting a bunch of extra people.

[wittingly]

You're making me doubt my bow tie commitment all of a sudden
I'm not emotionally prepared for this

[righteously]

Okay but when you start on project jerky
Just remember who you owe right now
I'm not kidding
If I'm not first in line for jerky, we got problems

[cryptoherpetology]

I did say he shared a lot of traits with both cats and crows. Gift-giving with humans he's bonded with is a trait he shares with both.

[cryptoherpetology]

I'll remember to give you dibs on the alien meat jerky on account of my pet griffin's growing kleptomaniac tendencies.

[ Yep. Totally normal thing to say. ]

[righteously]

Sam's my brother's name, coincidentally
He's the moose on the list



Yeah, as it turns out they DO move in herds

[righteously]

Grenade launcher?

( he just has to check )

[righteously]

Thank you

( AKA he is so desensitized to weird by now he doesn't even flinch at that frankly bonkers way of putting it )

[cryptoherpetology]

If you can lift heavy things for the engineering team, they'll usually share the liquor. The sanitation team grows what I'm sure is a pretty potent strain of cannabis that they'll share with labor volunteers. Other people seem to find those to be helpful when adjusting to this.

[wittingly]

Weighing the pros and cons of griffin costumes vs. dead alien squirrel surprises is something no man should have to do sober

I'd like to schedule a professional consultation, doctor

( aka time to smoke a huge bowl and pull out a whiteboard to literally make a list, for the entertainment factor )

[righteously]

Yes
good
now THERE'S somebody stepping up to be helpful, finally
point me to the booze, which direction is engineering, I'll haul whatever

[pridecroweth]

I'm like a quarter Canadian, makes for good moose wrangling skills.

（ ha, ha. ）

Let me guess. 1980? '81? These references, while sick AF, are narrowing down the timeline considerably.

（ y'all be soundin' like a geriatric millennial, dean-o. ）

[righteously]

excuse me

( how dare u, u bitch )

[pridecroweth]

Look, there's no Denny's parking lot for us to brawl in so if that's where you're headed with that you better square up.

[righteously]

I'll settle for a Waffle House, I'm all set on my grand slam quota

[cryptoherpetology]

Do you really want to hear me talk about geckos for 20 minutes after one bong hit?

[pridecroweth]

Christ, you just reminded me how much I miss Waffle House.

Sadly, your options here are limited to gray protein bar or slightly more gray protein bar.

[wittingly]

There is literally nothing I want more in my life right now

[righteously]

Yeah, I figured that much out
and I thought the last place was bad


I can't believe I'm saying this, but
I'd settle for turkey bacon

That feels so wrong
I need another shower