text | un: robert.plant

[righteously]

So we're all just gonna ignore the whole 'getting pooped out by a dragon' thing?

whoever owns the giant chicken with the bow tie, I'm gonna deep-fry that bitch

3 minutes is not long enough to shower off egg membrane, that's freaking disgusting okay
just flat-out unhygienic, period
gross

the first time I hear somebody jerking off in a hammock I'm gonna set it on fire

this place sucks balls

as you were.

Comments

[righteously]

( He's already steeling himself up and packing feelings away one cardboard box at a time by the time Cas manages his reluctant surrender. It's not news, god knows they know-- he knows the rules. The constants. He's seen it happen often enough, though he'd never been so directly impacted by it. On a comparison scale to the rest of the crappy things that have happened to him over the past... entire life, this one is relatively minor. Easy for him to steamroll through and lock down.

His resolve is back when he turns, face stoic when he meets Castiel's eyes again. The flicker of confusion is brief, until he remembers that whole thing Cas can do. He doesn't see that one in action nearly as often as your standard top 10 hits.

He licks his lips like he's looking for a reason to be reluctant. The hesitance is a habit, it's knee-jerk, and after a beat he can't actually find one.

He's not sure, right off, whether or not this will make things better. Sharing a memory means he won't be carrying it alone, though it feels a little bit like a hollow knock-off. Like a plastic version, almost, except it's... not, is it? It's just all from Dean's perspective, lacking in context, missing whatever Cas might have been feeling at the time.

Maybe he'll feel the same things. Maybe he won't.

The pros outweigh the cons, so he concedes with a half-nod. )

Yeah, fine, alright. Probe me.

( Hands up, palms out, let's get it over with. The one Dean summons up in his mind is the first thing he can remember after Cas got there. It ain't exactly among their greatest hits, but it's an intel-packed debrief that might help shortcut a few questions Cas is bound to want answered. )

[unwings]

[ aside from the squint received for probe me, cas shuffles close enough to reach out a hand and tap two fingers to dean’s forehead, the blue of his eyes flaring up with grace pulsing through him.

its bizarre to see himself from dean’s eyes, but a treat to experience his relief and joy when this other-cas shows up. It’s heartwarming, endearing. There’s no cloud of angst or anger over a recent self-sacrifice (also: no kiss), so perhaps the memory issues aren’t exclusive to Cas, or to this planet. Many blanks are filled in, though Cas catches on a detail. ]

I was human. [ he murmurs, refocusing on dean’s eyes from the far-away look he’d worn while watching the memory. A pinch of envy bubbles up in the back of his mind for this New Amsterdam Cas and his humanity and his nine months spent with a dean ready to pull him into a passionate kiss. The urge to push further and examine every flicker of memory Dean has from this place is intense, but he relents, pulling his hand back as he observes Dean carefully. ] Was that part of it? Why we—

[ a vague gesture between the two of them. Y’know, the kissing. Since it couldn’t just be that dean always wanted to, clearly. they had nine months of being human, together. the kiss he’d just given him seemed like a big deal, on the tail-end of Castiel’s memories, but he wonders at what motivation from this other life Dean came in with.

And still no chuck. They’ve been bouncing around dimensions like a pinball, without any apparent divine intervention. How the hell does that work? Whatever caused it remains outside both their worlds’ power and New Amsterdam’s. ]

This- between us. [ you know, the thing where we shove our faces together and get really handsy. ] Did we have this in New Amsterdam too?

[ either way, cas isn’t sure how to feel about it, despite the dismay in lacking those memories, and worry over what that implies. ]

[righteously]

( It takes him a second -- why we what? -- before he understands what exactly Cas is asking. Look, it's new and he's flustered, and besides that he's hardly the sharpest bulb in the knife drawer anyway. Cut him some slack.

He starts shaking his head before Cas even gets out the follow-up question. )

No- that's not- no. Not-- not exactly. It's complicated.

( Because that alternate universe doesn't count, it wasn't them, it was just... kind-of them. Not-Them. Almost-Them.

He doesn't wanna go down that rabbit hole at the moment. He'd rather be awkward and hate everything about himself really quick, thank you Cas for this fine opportunity. )

That was technically the first... thing. Just now. If that's what you're asking.

( First Kiss. That's what they just had. Officially. Somewhere in the universe Sam Winchester gets an itch and doesn't know why. )

[unwings]

[ ah yes, words. forever their downfall. they don't need an eyefuck or empathy bond to get this communication down, and manage to stumble through it with only middling levels of awkwardness. ]

Oh. [ Cas nods, like he's just received an interesting update on a case, but that awkwardness gradually pulls into a warm, soft, mild smile. ] Good. I'm glad I could be here for it.

[ rather than review it by proxy through dean's memories. whoever's messing with his mind - naomi or chuck or someone else entirely - will have to pry this bright spark of memory from him. it's a hearth spreading life through a man who'd been resigned to an afterlife of hell and regret, still not quite able to believe it completely. ]

I am sorry, Dean. [ he shifts, shuffling from dean's side to the front of him, a hand reaching out to briefly skim over his forearm, urge to touch and comfort swelling up in him. it's a complicated mess in his head right now, with hesitant excitement hinged on dreading joy - happier than he has any right to be but terrified of when the other shoe may drop. ] There's nothing I would trade my time with you for.

[ aside from, you know, keeping you alive to save the world (or keeping Jack alive to also save the world). clearly he traded that, but that doesn't seem like it should qualify. besides, they just made an agreement for no more self-sacrifices, so it's all off the table anyway (hahahaisittho). ]

[righteously]

( Cas earns a soft scoff of an almost-laugh at that first bit, a sound that makes it clear he's thinking about what a huge freaking dork Cas is. Of all the things to say...

(Pot, kettle, whatever, shut up.)

Look closely enough and you might see just a little genuine warmth hidden in there among all that telegraphed deadpan. He's fumbling to get his game-face back on through all the weird, trying not to overcompensate for the fondness he feels by veering too hard in the opposite direction for some reason. Sounds a little bit like John Winchester in his head, he's plowing through it. ​)

Yeah, well... this is me officially being at max for goopy heartfelt confessions for today. Also, maybe for the next... six or seven years. Let's switch back to the whole... dungeons and dragons and aliens thing.

( Dismissive as he sounds, he's making a deliberate, concentrated effort to not... move his forearm. Even though the touch has the hair on the back of his neck standing up and awareness itching at his skin. )

[unwings]

[ cas has never been lack for sincerity and uncomfortable directness, though he knows there's a limit for how much dorky bareness Dean's willing to participate in, so it's a content nod when dean requests that the Feelings be moved off center stage for now.

the touch drifts down his arm, settling over dean's pulse and giving a short, subtle squeeze before letting go. right, back to business. tucking hands away into his soggy coat pockets, cas turns his attention to the "building" around them, skimming the ceilings curiously. ]

Is there a dungeon in the dragon as well? [ he knows what 'dungeons and dragons' is, he's just being Cas about it. ] They're very efficient.

[ the dragon-corpse living people. they certainly know how to survive and make the best of a catastrophic situation. it's a good quality to find in new allies. ]

I've heard about these aliens. An aquatic kind of species?

[righteously]

( That squeeze to his pulse point makes something jolt in his chest, and it's quite possible his hand absently chases the retreat for an inch or two before falling back to baseline. Could be a trick of the light, you can't prove anything.

It's starting to hit him right about now that this is gonna be, like, a thing. Them, touching, the way that... people... touch. Like, the way that couples touch. The anxious tension he feels buzzing like background static somewhere around his sternum isn't actually entirely bad, it's just... different. A little mind-boggling.

There's a different kind of keenness around his eyes when he looks at Cas that didn't exist before -- well, outside of those eyefuck moments, the intense exchanges where he'd studied Cas's expression looking for something hidden behind it. It's not quite as deep as that, but it's definitely sharper.

Doesn't even realize he's doing it. )

Yeah, I got a bestiary from one of the local nerds. Not as good as the one we wrote--

( It's only a second after he says it that he remembers Cas doesn't actually know about that one, and the flicker of a wince only lasts a second before he's moving swiftly along. )

--but apparently it's some real The Shape of Water crap, minus the gill-frenching. Yet.

[unwings]

[ the air around them holds a different charge to it now, as the reality of it starts to sink in. as they move from revelations and confessions to average(ish) life and day-to-day commentary. the scenery doesn't fade to black ooze, he doesn't abruptly wake in a torture chair staring at naomi, dean doesn't morph into Lucifer - no other manner of hallucination or illusion.

it's real.

after a decade and change of being drawn together, years of dancing around the subject neither dared to give voice to, here they are. cas can practically feel his atoms and molecules humming. a pleasant, floating feeling that's entirely new and curious to him, but not unwelcome. it's a bubbly kind of high that cas is content to simply experience in dean's company for now. so this is what allowing happiness feels like, huh?

Dean may not realize he's doing an eyefuck stare, but cas feels it like a tap on the shoulder, turning back to meet it and calmly hold the gaze as the conversation goes on. just two bros, standing in an alien garden, eyefucking over gill-frenching because they just realized they're kinda gay.

except, it's more arresting now, a level of it raised from passively soul-staring to actively searching, castiel's head full of thoughts and ponderings, wondering at how this will go, what dean wants and what dean will actually be willing to voice a desire for, what brought him to return castiel's feelings and how long the sentiment may have been there, partly or fully formed. cas is never wont for questions, and even if the short affairs he had in the past might've prepared him for this, it still feels entirely new. a different kind of connection in total, a new level of intimacy, not in the physical sense, but the two of them have already shared so much more than one average human could with another. it's dizzying, but exhilarating.

cas stills, tilting his head at the mention of a bestiary they made (would've liked to see that, at least for the names), and chewing on The Shape of Water crap. ]

How exactly does one 'french' with gills if there's no tongue appendage associated?

[ clearly the most important detail the new bestiary is missing. he has to admit, cas isn't in a great rush to get back to productive conversations and kicking it in the ass. ]

[righteously]

( Another concept occurs to him, because apparently it's revelation on the heels of revelation today: they're gonna make out in the Impala. There's a teeny, tiny little quadrant of his brain working in the background, thinking - as men are wont to do - with his downstairs-brain. He's not actively imagining it, but... you know. Maybe a little. It's background-vivid. A stencil he's sure he could see clearly in his mind's eye if he let himself jump tracks.

Which he isn't.

But it's gonna happen eventually, and that's... that's something. ​)

Half of the happy couple was human, tongue intact.

( A beat, and then a reluctant admission. )

I think. Believe it or not, I never got around to watching that one. I'm just picturing fish loves girl, girl loves fish, somebody cries. Guess I'll catch it in real time.

( Is he lowkey hoping to catch someone playing tonsil hockey with a fishman? Maybe, but it's not because he's into it, it's just because -- come on. Who among us can honestly say they don't have a morbid curiosity what that would look like? Novelty would probably wear off in about two minutes, but it's on his alien bucket list for now.

This is not necessarily the deviation from second base in his car that he was hoping for. )

[unwings]

[ the longer he's looking at dean and talking about fish making out, the further his mind dawdles, eyes flickering to dean's lips as he speaks, and then again to the side of his neck. not because of gills, though thinking about gills would be a nice cover story, it's just mindlessly pleasant to watch the subtle shifts under his skin as he speaks or turns his head. let's be real, Dean Watching has always been a hobby of Castiel's and practically everyone knows it.

it's a little different now that he knows exactly how kissing dean feels (lower lip rolled between his teeth momentarily as he thinks back on it), but it does lead to an expansion of Wondering. For instance - where else dean might like being kissed, location-wise or on his body (obvious places aside). What other forms of touch, sexual or simply affectionate. He’d caught the way the man leaned in to those touches, but couldn’t quite bring himself to fully embrace it. Comfort and confidence takes time, especially for Dean, Cas reminds himself.

This mind-wandering anytime dean opens his mouth thing is going to become problematic, isn’t it? As much as dean may have pulled focus before, it’s nothing compared to now. Somewhere, an Adamant crewman is wondering where that hulk that was carrying 8 sandbags to and fro wandered off to, but that crewman is just gonna have to wait. He’s busy. ]

I'd hope the tears weren't for the biological incompatibility. [ that's very sad. the girl should get to consensually love the fish if she wants, or vice versa. since we're on the topic of odd couples, cas cas-rambles on matter-of-factly - ] Humans have a multitude of erogenous zones, if the extremities don't match traditional methods, there still remains a wide variety of means to physically express love for one another.

[ ahem. just saying. in case... anyone might've been worried... about traditional methods. With fish. ]

Fortunate we don’t have that problem.

[ the biological incompatibility cross-species. Castiel’s body feels more like home than it ever had before, and humans have figured out sex between two men at this poin. Judging by the impressive array of niche porn dean’s reviewed, Cas is guessing he understands the basics. No need to unravel the mysteries of gill-fornication.

But that, the sex part, is skipping a couple bases Cas would rather linger at with Dean first, so consider it a problem for another day. ]

Though I’m sure gills would compliment your new wings nicely.

[ cas, shut up ]

[righteously]

Alright, man, you're gonna have to pick a lane.

( He blurts it out abruptly and emphatically, because ya boy's filter is only capable of so much restraint. They're crossing too many wires right now. )

Either we're talking about erogenous zones or we're talking about gills, but we are not mixing the two. I got enough problems without developing some kind of weird... Pavlovian fish boner association. Leave the body horror out of the bedroom.

( Wait- )

Hammock.

( No, correction again- )

Car.

( A beat. )

Wherever, everywhere, just... ground rule, no neck flaps in the unresolved sexual tension.

( Apparently he's only capable of acknowledging things out loud with direct people words when he's facetiously ranting about something stupid. )

[unwings]

The car's here?

[ completely flying over all the fuss about fish boners and pavlovian kinks (ignore the small, bemused smile going on during the facetious rant). sounds like a personal problem, bud. ]

The Impala?

[ so we're missing memories, but we're gaining cars? of all the things that could've traveled through the wormhole with them... huh. well, he won't complain about that. unresolved sexual tension in a car definitely beats unresolved sexual tension in a hammock. that's just awkward injuries waiting to happen. ]

What about the wings? [ what exactly are we counting in the body horror category here, becaaaause... ] Are they allowed in the car with the unresolved sexual tension?

[ it might be an honest question, or it might just be prodding dean for another rant, who knows, it is a mystery. ]

[righteously]

( See, this is one of the many reasons they work out - Cas glosses over his bullshit and focuses on actually relevant information hidden in his rant. Pointing it out makes for an excellent segue without getting too caught up in the rant itself. )

The wings are already attached.

( So, yeah, little too late to ban them from the unresolved sexual tension mobile.

(Just pretending like this isn't a totally loaded conversation, don't mind him, this is normal, he's not feeling anything creeping along the inside of his chest.)

He casts an absent glance over his left shoulder like he's looking for them, but unfortunately (or fortunately? jury's out) Dean's eyes haven't been celestially upgraded to match his back. )

Or... not attached. Fake-attached. I don't know, I can't see 'em so. Doesn't count. Wings get a pass.

( Which is a little funny, considering they're matching his body language for a second there by getting a little twitchy somewhere on the ethereal plane or Narnia or wherever the hell it is they exist. )

[unwings]

You can't. [ don't brag, cas. almost as an aside - ] They're lovely.

[ wait. ]

Impressive. The most majestic set of ethereal wings I've seen attached to a human.

[ the only ones— shhhhh. with his eyeline past Dean's shoulder, it's clear Castiel's watching the wings and expressive twitches, with a small curve to his lips. he's like a newly minted little celestial not quite sure how to fly yet. castiel's certain this observation of dean's preciousness won't be well received, so he keeps that one to himself.

his fixation with dean's new wings hasn't passed yet, and cas paces around dean's side, hand on his shoulder to keep him from turning with him as he pauses at his back to get a better look. of course, cas likes to look with his hands, so a moment later, a palm rests in the space separating the wings, between dean's shoulder blades, over his spine, and sweeps downward, just bordering where the ethereal meets corporeal. not quite angelic, but close enough to be deeply intriguing. ]

Anything else I should be aware of that's outlawed in the car?

[ the unresolved sexual tension mobile. is 'in the car' going to be their code for sex now? ]

[righteously]

( His mildly flat expression communicates clearly that they both know it's the only set of wings the dude's ever seen on a human, and frankly it's easier for him to focus on that part than the part about them being lovely or whatever. He doesn't feel any particular kind of pride about that like some people might -- he can't freakin' see them -- if anything, it might make him just a little self-conscious. Cas looking at them and complimenting them hits like a softcore version of whenever he talks about seeing Dean's soul. It's slightly less intense, but still a little intense.

Couple that with Cas getting handsy again, and the lump's forming itself back in Dean's throat again. It's just his shoulder, it's just his back, it's nothing Cas hasn't had a hand on a hundred times before.

It's different, and though he stays obediently still his jaw tucks and turns in Cas's direction a few inches to better watch his profile. )

I'll write you a list.

( It would sound more effectively dry if his voice didn't get a little quieter, a little lower.

While they're on the subject: )

It's not just wings.

( Not the car thing, he's jumped tracks a little. Shifted gears toward his whole thing in general, since Cas seems keen on studying his business. Plus, he's suddenly curious as hell about the reaction he'll get when he does it -- moves back just a few inches, not to pull away but rather to reach up and press two fingers to Castiel's forehead.

Blue glowing chest. Gentle rush of pure energy. Near-invisible shimmer in the air. Hashtag blessed, enjoy your stab-free 8 hours. )