[ his shoulder slips through castiel's grip, and that dreading part of him provides a sharp shock of panic.
it's clear whatever happened there was some level of important, enough dean's gotten emotional over the absence of it. if it were just routine missions and more fighting chuck, he wouldn't be doing this 'please only stare at my shoulder blades while i have feelings at the wall' thing dean's so fond of. what did he miss? it's a terrifying thing, realizing someone or something's stolen details from inside your head. a long silence sits heavy in the air between them, while cas desperately searches his mind. nine months is a long time to be missing from your memory. ]
But I don't— [ cas cuts himself off, impotent frustration curling his hands into fists at his side. it isn't there. it simply isn't anywhere to be found in his memories. defeated, cas lets out a deflating sigh, eyes on the ground and voice small. ] I'm sorry. I can't remember.
[ and that bothers him in an extreme way. the last time castiel was missing memories, someone with an eye-drill was behind it, and it all but broke him. there was already the gap in recollection of how he got to this place, and now this? a nine-to-ten month span of time spent in an alternate dimension, where Dean grew wings? this is only the beginning (that he knows of), so there's a chance he could lose more (that he's missing much more), a chance he could lose this moment, and that abrupt realization is utterly chilling.
perhaps this is the eternal torture the Empty had in mind. A slow and horrible degradation of all he remembers of the man he loves, the world he loves. Certainly sounds like a fitting hell for him.
It's all postulation, Cas tries to remind himself, to keep the dread in check and stay present, watching the wings at Dean's back. Which, now that he sees the full span of them, with a measure of distance, it's clear they aren't exactly angel wings, but close. like an imitation, which is a bizarre detail. The Empty isn't at any lack for angel substitutes, knows their biology well enough.
He's jumping to conclusions, there isn't enough information to make that call yet. What's clear is - this time was important to Dean, and Castiel's lost it. How does he fix that? ]
Will you show me? [ he asks quietly, shuffling up to the back of Dean's shoulder, blinking up from the wings to his profile, but not reaching out to touch yet. ] Some of it?
[ pulling the whole nine months from Dean's head would likely be painful for him and complicated, and still wouldn't be the same as living it himself. but maybe some of the moments he's missing, the things dean finds hard to explain beyond Cyberpunk 2077 and just as bad. If he's willing to, and Cas prays he is, because this missing nine months will nag at him in the worst way, the distance it's clearly putting between them just as frustrating. ]
no subject
it's clear whatever happened there was some level of important, enough dean's gotten emotional over the absence of it. if it were just routine missions and more fighting chuck, he wouldn't be doing this 'please only stare at my shoulder blades while i have feelings at the wall' thing dean's so fond of. what did he miss? it's a terrifying thing, realizing someone or something's stolen details from inside your head. a long silence sits heavy in the air between them, while cas desperately searches his mind. nine months is a long time to be missing from your memory. ]
But I don't— [ cas cuts himself off, impotent frustration curling his hands into fists at his side. it isn't there. it simply isn't anywhere to be found in his memories. defeated, cas lets out a deflating sigh, eyes on the ground and voice small. ] I'm sorry. I can't remember.
[ and that bothers him in an extreme way. the last time castiel was missing memories, someone with an eye-drill was behind it, and it all but broke him. there was already the gap in recollection of how he got to this place, and now this? a nine-to-ten month span of time spent in an alternate dimension, where Dean grew wings? this is only the beginning (that he knows of), so there's a chance he could lose more (that he's missing much more), a chance he could lose this moment, and that abrupt realization is utterly chilling.
perhaps this is the eternal torture the Empty had in mind. A slow and horrible degradation of all he remembers of the man he loves, the world he loves. Certainly sounds like a fitting hell for him.
It's all postulation, Cas tries to remind himself, to keep the dread in check and stay present, watching the wings at Dean's back. Which, now that he sees the full span of them, with a measure of distance, it's clear they aren't exactly angel wings, but close. like an imitation, which is a bizarre detail. The Empty isn't at any lack for angel substitutes, knows their biology well enough.
He's jumping to conclusions, there isn't enough information to make that call yet. What's clear is - this time was important to Dean, and Castiel's lost it. How does he fix that? ]
Will you show me? [ he asks quietly, shuffling up to the back of Dean's shoulder, blinking up from the wings to his profile, but not reaching out to touch yet. ] Some of it?
[ pulling the whole nine months from Dean's head would likely be painful for him and complicated, and still wouldn't be the same as living it himself. but maybe some of the moments he's missing, the things dean finds hard to explain beyond Cyberpunk 2077 and just as bad. If he's willing to, and Cas prays he is, because this missing nine months will nag at him in the worst way, the distance it's clearly putting between them just as frustrating. ]