[ the embrace winds him more than the punch ever could, the touch a shock of wonderful relief, and the solidity of dean's chest to his and arms around his shoulders is everything castiel's been yearning for since he started the speech that ended in their goodbye.
empathy bond or no, a dam of emotion splinters, cracks, and pours over in him, castiel's arms curling around dean's sides and squeezing back almost too tightly. a silent, constant ache of longing feels like it slots into healing place, a circuit that'd been just short of connecting clicking together, and the solace it brings gets caught up in castiel's throat.
he didn't want to go, of course he didn't. he'd wanted to follow dean to the ends of the earth. cas wanted to feel his warmth, like this, the steady thrum of his heart, to hold him close and safe, the most precious and treasured soul the chaos of chuck's universe had ever produced. but their story was never meant to have a happy ending - they must have both known that. letting dean go was the hardest thing castiel'd ever done, and to have even an ounce of that desperation to cling together reflected back to him is more than his supposedly-cold little angel heart can take.
inhaling deep, castiel's chin settles into the same curve of dean's shoulder it usually does, and the breath shutters out like a rattle inside an empty ribcage, both their frames feeling somehow delicate despite what both know they're well capable of enduring. fingers uncurl from his jacket, smoothing a palm down his mid-back and up again, the mildest shake to it, like he can't completely believe it's real. ]
I'm so sorry I couldn't stay. [ it's a small, quiet voice, unsteady as a shoddy raft in an ocean storm, and meant only for dean's ears. he wanted to stay. he wanted so, so badly to stay.
castiel's eyes sting, the prickling wetness and intense heat of emotion threatening to push it's way out of him churns up under his vessel's skin, and cas couldn't say if he stays clutching iron tight to dean for the sake of hiding his face, or the fear of letting go and losing the euphoric relief of this. returning back to that reality with no happy ending in the stars for them. ]
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empathy bond or no, a dam of emotion splinters, cracks, and pours over in him, castiel's arms curling around dean's sides and squeezing back almost too tightly. a silent, constant ache of longing feels like it slots into healing place, a circuit that'd been just short of connecting clicking together, and the solace it brings gets caught up in castiel's throat.
he didn't want to go, of course he didn't. he'd wanted to follow dean to the ends of the earth. cas wanted to feel his warmth, like this, the steady thrum of his heart, to hold him close and safe, the most precious and treasured soul the chaos of chuck's universe had ever produced. but their story was never meant to have a happy ending - they must have both known that. letting dean go was the hardest thing castiel'd ever done, and to have even an ounce of that desperation to cling together reflected back to him is more than his supposedly-cold little angel heart can take.
inhaling deep, castiel's chin settles into the same curve of dean's shoulder it usually does, and the breath shutters out like a rattle inside an empty ribcage, both their frames feeling somehow delicate despite what both know they're well capable of enduring. fingers uncurl from his jacket, smoothing a palm down his mid-back and up again, the mildest shake to it, like he can't completely believe it's real. ]
I'm so sorry I couldn't stay. [ it's a small, quiet voice, unsteady as a shoddy raft in an ocean storm, and meant only for dean's ears. he wanted to stay. he wanted so, so badly to stay.
castiel's eyes sting, the prickling wetness and intense heat of emotion threatening to push it's way out of him churns up under his vessel's skin, and cas couldn't say if he stays clutching iron tight to dean for the sake of hiding his face, or the fear of letting go and losing the euphoric relief of this. returning back to that reality with no happy ending in the stars for them. ]