( He shakes his head slowly, with a contemplativeness that suggests he's not actually refuting the sentiment entirely.

He hasn't let himself mourn Kyna. Hell, he only barely let himself mourn his mom. Mourning a job and an apartment just seems so insignificant by comparison. And yeah, he should probably let himself grieve for all of it, he knows that objectively. It just doesn't... Feel, right now. He doesn't feel that need.

But that's what the moonshine regimen has been for, so obviously it's working. )

I don't really want to.

( Frankly, since they're going balls-out honest tonight. He wants to keep on not doing that.

He's just gonna power through this bluntly and confidently, and totally not feel exposed the entire fucking time. It's fine. )

The last time I lost something that mattered that much... I'm not good at handling I'm not good at that. It fucked me up for a long time. I can't really afford to do that again, I have a responsibility here. I'm doing things that could keep people alive, it's... That's more important than me right now.

( And also it would hurt, and he doesn't want to feel that again. That's the whole reason he never let himself get attached for so long until Kyna.

Is this completely hypocritical considering what he's offered to help Lance do? Maybe. Yes. He knows. He's just ignoring that too.
)