But just having a normal conversation, and being validated but not pitied, is already a huge help because this means he doesn't have to hide so much. If he's having a particularly bad day, he won't have to struggle to get that across while at the same time pretending it's not that bad and he's got it under control because otherwise he'd have to get into what the actual issue is. He'll be able to talk about why some things that happen affect him in a way they don't others, or why his mood might flip suddenly at something he's picked up that meant nothing to anyone else. He won't have to spend so much energy keeping up a front that's just gotten harder and harder to maintain, especially because it prevents him from daring to reach out for the support he needs to actually get through all of this.
So sure, maybe Ian can't exactly fix this, but he's already doing a lot more than he thinks. The question is something Lance has thought about but typically brushes off in his own mind, because the answer is difficult, but having to actually put together words to respond means he can't just do that and that's a good thing. Being able to just bounce ideas off someone else might seem small, but it goes a long way.]
Unfortunately, the first priority would be getting into a better situation and environment, so that issues can be dealt with safely and without the risk of just compounding them further.
[Which is unfortunate because it isn't an option, and that not only throws out pretty much everything he'd normally advise someone about but runs a huge risk of things getting worse. Piling traumatic events on top of each other is dangerous, and so are the effects of being in these sorts of situations long-term.
But he's spent years now telling himself that he'll deal with it when the situation is better, and it never has been. So he's going to just have to work with what he's got, and so is everyone else who's struggling with their own issues.
Although he's allowing the focus to remain on himself right now, he's still very aware Ian is dealing with a lot too, so as he continues this can apply to both of them.]
But aside from that, the next step is identifying the parts of the problem. What exactly is causing stress, why it's causing it, what emotions are brought up and how they're connected to each other and things that have happened. What needs to be addressed and worked through.
[He's been pretty good at this part, so at least there's that.]
After that, it's allowing yourself to feel whatever it is you feel, and giving yourself the time to feel that way. That's how you start processing what happened, and then accepting it and moving past it.
[And this is where it stalls again, for him. In a place like this--or in New Amsterdam, or Hadriel--the time and energy needed to work through things in this way not only feel but often are impossible to attain, and that's without the issue of it seeming like a waste when you're in a fight against the clock. Any of them could disappear at any moment, if this place is anything like the others, and if that happens before they solve a way to control it, then it won't matter how much progress he's made with his issues because he'll just be dead.]
no subject
But just having a normal conversation, and being validated but not pitied, is already a huge help because this means he doesn't have to hide so much. If he's having a particularly bad day, he won't have to struggle to get that across while at the same time pretending it's not that bad and he's got it under control because otherwise he'd have to get into what the actual issue is. He'll be able to talk about why some things that happen affect him in a way they don't others, or why his mood might flip suddenly at something he's picked up that meant nothing to anyone else. He won't have to spend so much energy keeping up a front that's just gotten harder and harder to maintain, especially because it prevents him from daring to reach out for the support he needs to actually get through all of this.
So sure, maybe Ian can't exactly fix this, but he's already doing a lot more than he thinks. The question is something Lance has thought about but typically brushes off in his own mind, because the answer is difficult, but having to actually put together words to respond means he can't just do that and that's a good thing. Being able to just bounce ideas off someone else might seem small, but it goes a long way.]
Unfortunately, the first priority would be getting into a better situation and environment, so that issues can be dealt with safely and without the risk of just compounding them further.
[Which is unfortunate because it isn't an option, and that not only throws out pretty much everything he'd normally advise someone about but runs a huge risk of things getting worse. Piling traumatic events on top of each other is dangerous, and so are the effects of being in these sorts of situations long-term.
But he's spent years now telling himself that he'll deal with it when the situation is better, and it never has been. So he's going to just have to work with what he's got, and so is everyone else who's struggling with their own issues.
Although he's allowing the focus to remain on himself right now, he's still very aware Ian is dealing with a lot too, so as he continues this can apply to both of them.]
But aside from that, the next step is identifying the parts of the problem. What exactly is causing stress, why it's causing it, what emotions are brought up and how they're connected to each other and things that have happened. What needs to be addressed and worked through.
[He's been pretty good at this part, so at least there's that.]
After that, it's allowing yourself to feel whatever it is you feel, and giving yourself the time to feel that way. That's how you start processing what happened, and then accepting it and moving past it.
[And this is where it stalls again, for him. In a place like this--or in New Amsterdam, or Hadriel--the time and energy needed to work through things in this way not only feel but often are impossible to attain, and that's without the issue of it seeming like a waste when you're in a fight against the clock. Any of them could disappear at any moment, if this place is anything like the others, and if that happens before they solve a way to control it, then it won't matter how much progress he's made with his issues because he'll just be dead.]