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backdated: audio / @claptrap
[The recorded voice in this post is unfailingly cheerful and upbeat, with a mildly synthesized overtone. It's so unmistakeable that those of you who have been around for awhile will likely recognize it as belonging to the yellow, box-shaped robot that is often seen getting in the way around camp and annoying everyone.
Those of you who are new? Well, you're about to find out exactly why he annoys everyone.]
Hellooooo, Hatchlings!
Everyone enjoying the power outage? I'm sure not! If my battery runs out and I don't have a way to recharge it, I will literally die! Maybe you should feel more grateful that you only have to deal with bumping into things and, I don't know, being cold? I imagine that's uncomfortable, but not as much as death.
Anyway!
I have it on good authority that the power will come back in forty-eight hours! Don't ask me how I know, just trust me! I am worthy of trust. This will prove to you that I'm worthy of trust!
So just, uh... hang tight? And don't freeze to death. Or starve? I have no idea how long you all can go without eating. Do you even need power to eat? What about "health food"? Isn't that normally just plants?
Okay, so! My advice is: don't freeze to death, stand still so you don't blindly bump into something and get a terrible injury (because no one can perform medical intervention in the dark), and if you're hungry, go eat some plants!
[The recording stops for a second, and then picks back up like he forgot to mention something.]
Oh, and: it's not very neighborly to give someone the wrong date and time for an important expedition. Not that I'm upset! [He still sounds cheerful? But in a maniacal way.] This is just a hypothetical situation that didn't happen to anyone!
Really.
Those of you who are new? Well, you're about to find out exactly why he annoys everyone.]
Hellooooo, Hatchlings!
Everyone enjoying the power outage? I'm sure not! If my battery runs out and I don't have a way to recharge it, I will literally die! Maybe you should feel more grateful that you only have to deal with bumping into things and, I don't know, being cold? I imagine that's uncomfortable, but not as much as death.
Anyway!
I have it on good authority that the power will come back in forty-eight hours! Don't ask me how I know, just trust me! I am worthy of trust. This will prove to you that I'm worthy of trust!
So just, uh... hang tight? And don't freeze to death. Or starve? I have no idea how long you all can go without eating. Do you even need power to eat? What about "health food"? Isn't that normally just plants?
Okay, so! My advice is: don't freeze to death, stand still so you don't blindly bump into something and get a terrible injury (because no one can perform medical intervention in the dark), and if you're hungry, go eat some plants!
[The recording stops for a second, and then picks back up like he forgot to mention something.]
Oh, and: it's not very neighborly to give someone the wrong date and time for an important expedition. Not that I'm upset! [He still sounds cheerful? But in a maniacal way.] This is just a hypothetical situation that didn't happen to anyone!
Really.
@astarkov
You should be glad you didn't come.
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does that make Handsome Jack the supreme God? lol
@ both of them
he sure thinks so
Yes! It is! How dare you.
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private DM
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private DM
Besides, he's less of a danger if he's occupied.
[ Okay also Balthier is occasionally a troll but that's beside the point. ]
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But I am a benevolent patron, so I will forgive you...!... IF!!!! you compose a beautiful poem in my honor.
private dm ->>>
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@lance
[He is Concerned.]
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Well, I can drown. Apparently. I just found that out recently, and oh boy, let me tell you: self awareness isn't all it's cracked up to be!
I can also, I don't know, interface with a solar panel or something? Whaddaya got?
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Lord of destruction
Voice of a thousand dying cattle
We beseech you
Forgive us our trespasses
Smite our enemies
Let us live another day
In your glory
[ Is this adapted from a dramatic play about an angry god-king? Absolutely. ]
Re: private dm ->>>
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If he could stammer through text, he would be doing so.]
No?? Prove it!!!
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Wonderful. Wonderful!! I grant thee a divine pardon for thou's work in spreading the word of Me.
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